Monday, March 21, 2011


My mind is all jumbled up with thoughts lately. I am at a place in my life where I feel that I am closer to God than ever before and I know that I am so in His will at the store. I also know that I need a job cuz I need $$$$$. I finally went on an interview last week. The interview went well if not a little fast ~~~ I had gotten there early to make a good impression and was finished 15 minutes before it was even scheduled. I was extremely stressed that morning because they had called me after I got to the store to tell me I had an interview THAT DAY. So between setting it up for Russ to come back, running home to change, not having lunch and nerves I was stressed to the max. To the point that the numbness came back in the pinky finger of my right hand - - imagine having your finger "asleep" for the 5th day now. I don't know if I will get it...I just don't have the peace or excitement about it. When I got my job at Westside, I knew when I left the interview I had it. Same thing with Mileage Plus, trx and the bakery. I knew, I had a peace that only God could give that I had it. I don't have that peace with this. I don't know if I am just being cautiously optimistic and not trying to get my hopes up...but I just don't think this is the job I am going to get. I tried explaining it to mom & dad and I think they got it. Aunt Charlotte didn't, she just said I should think positively. Of course, this is coming from the woman who I have nicknamed the Ostrich because half of the time her head is buried in the sand. I am so tired of the drama. I love her honest I do and at one time she was my fave relative. Then I grew know they say go back to the house you lived in as a child that was so huge when you are an adult and see how small it really was. The same applies to relationships...when you grow up you can see people as they really are. I really feel sorry for her because she is so naive about some things and so bitter about others. She hates Grandaddy for what he was when she was growing for being abusive yet doesn't condemn William for signing a paper saying he would not be around Will unsupervised because he has been suspected of abusing him. She says God told her he is innocent and didn't do ? then is why did he just sign the papers - why hasn't he or his family tried to fight them. She is the original drama queen. She calls mom one day going on and on about Kathy and Christina and all their problems and how she isn't going to give them another penny, but the next day she off bailing them out again and again and again. She condemned Granny for years for the financial support she gave to other family members and yet she is doing the exact same thing. So back to the peace thing. Several of my family have repeatedly told me to forget Russ and go get a paying job. To them I say you need to go read:
1 Peter 4:8-10 (New International Version, ©2011)

8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 9Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

In reading this this morning, God gave me yet another confirmation that I am in the place where He has placed me and that I am meeting the need in Russ' life with the gifts He has given to me. I would rather be sitting here on this stool in this bookstore indefinitely with no job or no pay and be doing what I know in the deepest regions of my soul that God wants me to do than be employed at a fortune 500 company and out of his will.

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