Wednesday, June 29, 2011


Do you ever wonder why we dream the things we do? Does whatever you were reading about or watching on tv or in a movie affect your dreams at night? Sometimes yeah they when I was really into watching Ghost Hunters on tv a yr or so ago and then dreamed all night long I was hunting ghosts....Or why do people pop into your dreams that you haven't seen or thought about in ages? This week has been the week of huh??? dreams for me...Monday night [well early Tuesday morning actually] I woke up dreaming I was about to be shot...funny thing it was me but I was a guy and some gang dude with one of those skull cap things on had me in a car - I stopped the car in the middle of the road and said wait because I saw one of our store customers about to drive by - then he threw 2 soda cans in the floorboard and asked me did i put the air in the cans-he then pressed the barrel of a gun up to my head right behind my right ear really hard and I woke up...Mom said I was still rubbing my head when I walked past her in the hall...I can still feel that gun on my head....The dreams last night while still odd were not as traumatic...I was getting married in a beautiful chapel...the entire chapel was this beautiful honey colored wood and there were tons of white flowers I was waiting to go in I saw this older lady signing the guest book - Grandma Flo [who is living in Heaven these days] and then I saw her grandson, Tom. [Tom is a dr that I was interested in back in 2002/2003 and haven't seen since then]. I went up to him and he just stared at me and then I called off my wedding for him...then I dreamed I was in a store and a friend from high school, Molly was working in it....maybe I need to lay off the late night sprite!!!!

Monday, March 21, 2011


My mind is all jumbled up with thoughts lately. I am at a place in my life where I feel that I am closer to God than ever before and I know that I am so in His will at the store. I also know that I need a job cuz I need $$$$$. I finally went on an interview last week. The interview went well if not a little fast ~~~ I had gotten there early to make a good impression and was finished 15 minutes before it was even scheduled. I was extremely stressed that morning because they had called me after I got to the store to tell me I had an interview THAT DAY. So between setting it up for Russ to come back, running home to change, not having lunch and nerves I was stressed to the max. To the point that the numbness came back in the pinky finger of my right hand - - imagine having your finger "asleep" for the 5th day now. I don't know if I will get it...I just don't have the peace or excitement about it. When I got my job at Westside, I knew when I left the interview I had it. Same thing with Mileage Plus, trx and the bakery. I knew, I had a peace that only God could give that I had it. I don't have that peace with this. I don't know if I am just being cautiously optimistic and not trying to get my hopes up...but I just don't think this is the job I am going to get. I tried explaining it to mom & dad and I think they got it. Aunt Charlotte didn't, she just said I should think positively. Of course, this is coming from the woman who I have nicknamed the Ostrich because half of the time her head is buried in the sand. I am so tired of the drama. I love her honest I do and at one time she was my fave relative. Then I grew know they say go back to the house you lived in as a child that was so huge when you are an adult and see how small it really was. The same applies to relationships...when you grow up you can see people as they really are. I really feel sorry for her because she is so naive about some things and so bitter about others. She hates Grandaddy for what he was when she was growing for being abusive yet doesn't condemn William for signing a paper saying he would not be around Will unsupervised because he has been suspected of abusing him. She says God told her he is innocent and didn't do ? then is why did he just sign the papers - why hasn't he or his family tried to fight them. She is the original drama queen. She calls mom one day going on and on about Kathy and Christina and all their problems and how she isn't going to give them another penny, but the next day she off bailing them out again and again and again. She condemned Granny for years for the financial support she gave to other family members and yet she is doing the exact same thing. So back to the peace thing. Several of my family have repeatedly told me to forget Russ and go get a paying job. To them I say you need to go read:
1 Peter 4:8-10 (New International Version, ©2011)

8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 9Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

In reading this this morning, God gave me yet another confirmation that I am in the place where He has placed me and that I am meeting the need in Russ' life with the gifts He has given to me. I would rather be sitting here on this stool in this bookstore indefinitely with no job or no pay and be doing what I know in the deepest regions of my soul that God wants me to do than be employed at a fortune 500 company and out of his will.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

My Bucket List

Last week I finally sat down & watched "The Bucket List". I had only owned the dvd for 2 years and never watched it. It really got me to thinking about the things I would like to do before going home to Heaven. So I decided to sit down and write my list....So here it goes.....
1. Experience pregnancy and childbirth
2. Go out on a date ~ a real date where he picks me up with flowers and we dress nice and go to a nice dinner in a nice restaurant ~hey it's been over 2 years so it goes on the list.
3. Travel ~~
*Travel outside of the contiguous 48 to Alaska or visit pineapple fields in Hawaii
*Take a road trip eating in the different places featured on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives
*Go up the eastern seaboard of the US - visiting lighthouses and staying in an inn in Vermont
4. Sing for Bill and Gloria Gaither
5. Own a Baby Grand Piano
6. Slowdance in the candlelight
7. Sing the National Anthem at a sports event
8. Go back to South Dakota and truly appreciate what I am singing