Monday, December 6, 2010

Dangerous Surrender

I have recently started reading Kay Warren's book Dangerous Surrender and already know that God intended for me to read this book...because Satan is showing me a million other things to read or do instead and I've only read to part of chapter 2. How often do we actually surrender everything we have and are to God's will and abandon ourselves for His purpose. The humanity in us wants to hold on to everything - every plan or dream - we have for our lives and not let go. Like a little child holding onto a beloved blanket or many times we say "O.K. God, I surrender to you but oh this dream of mine if you want it you will have to pry it from my cold, dead fingers". I was like that. So many times I would pray for God to show me his will or to send me his will for my life but I never really wanted to let go of my dream of a perfect life of serving Him in the perfect church setting just singing my songs and playing the piano and worshipping alongside the perfect man with the perfect little family then going home to our perfect house and living our perfect story tale lives. There is one big problem with that - most times our vision of perfect and what God desires for us are light years apart. First, I never expected to be 37 and single and childless and certainly I never expected to be able to write that statement and be ok with it. I think I have grown more spiritually in the past 2 years than in all the other 35 combined. I have often thought that my divorce would be the catalyst for God's ministry for me. I have such a desire to help others hurting and to help others from making the same mistakes I've made. Lately, I am feeling a leading to help others hurting in a specialized way. I see a possible ministry opening up for me that God has been working out in my life for 2 yrs. I moved to a place I never wanted to move to, I met 2 friends whose lives have been forever altered by sexual crimes, I dealt with my own problem with reading online erotica - yes pornographic stories, women fall victim to it too!!!. God even gave me a name for a ministry a year ago With a Limp. I don't know what He is doing or where He is leading but I know that He will give me the tools. I have never before even considered working with the families and children of those in jail but more and more it is on my heart.

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