Monday, November 15, 2010

Ahhh Contentment ~ my journey as Scarlet O'Hara

I love the feeling that for one of the few times in my life I know that I am where God wants me to be and doing what He wants me to be doing..While I grew up in a pastor's home and have been in church my entire life and even went to a Christian college, I feel closer to God at this point in my life than any other that I can remember. There is something to be said about God putting us in our lowest place to bring us closer to him. I have been reflecting a lot the past few days on the last 2 years. I have spent a lot of those 2 years complaining and questioning God as to why my life ended up in the place I found myself. At times it was just so hard to grasp how I came to be in my late 30's, single, living with my parents with no job, no friends - -nothing but a bedroom. I just couldn't, no matter how hard I tried, fathom how it would end or even grasp the concept that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. When I 1st lost my job and we moved, I was excited because I thought I would end up spending a lot of time with my cousin, Kathy. But then I found out just the opposite was true. I started going to FBC Bushnell on Sundays. On my 1st Sunday there I noticed this youth guy who I figured was single. He was cute but I of course never approached him. I went to church once in a while but not on a regular basis. I spent a lot of time on the internet playing games or on online dating sites...I did meet a couple of guys - one reconciled with an exfiancee and they are now married, the other one and I are just friends but God did use me to help him during his time of divorce. I participated in all the free eharmony weekends...In October 2009 on one of these weekends I was matched up with a guy from Bushnell who is my age and a youth minister, let's just call him Rhett Butler...I thought that he may have been the student minister at FBC Bushnell but wasn't sure....Anyhoo, I got off internet dating after the free weekend and never heard from him (little did I know he didn't even read his matches) The Sunday before Thanksgiving we went to Pleasant Hill Baptist Church and ended up joining a couple of weeks later. The pastor is single and young and I became attracted, we'll call him Ashley Wilkes. He kept talking about his friend at the Christian Bookstore in town that I had never met and so finally just to shut him up I went in. I was very pleasantly surprised to see the guy from 1st Baptist...We chatted for a while after I told him what church I went to and then I asked him was he on eharmony and lo and behold it had been him I was matched up with. We became friends on facebook and I would go into the store whenever just to chat or to get cds. I always felt bad that I was taking up his time or keeping him from his work and while I was very attracted to him, I had this stupid crush thing on the pastor, and Rhett knew it. So, for months I convinced myself that Ashley was wonderful and possibly THE one....I laughed at all his jokes and I just thought he was it! Then I woke up and realized that no he wasn't. I think my heart realized it a lonnnggg time before my head did. My main problem with him is he always says such mean spirited, almost evil things about Rhett behind his back and I never knew if that was because he was trying to be funny or he really was interested in me and he didn't want me and Rhett to get together or he was selfishly trying to keep me at the church. [Rhett went to a different one] So, it finally got to the point where I had had it and I stopped laughing at his stupidity and he has started noticing. Anyhoo, Rhett got in a place where he needed some help and me being without a job volunteered. That was 3 wks ago and I realized this past week how God has been orchestrating things. In his infinite awesomeness God knew 2 yrs ago that Rhett would be needing me now. And all the twists and turns have brought me to this place. All the ?'s about why haven't I found a job yet are answered with because God knew that he would need me. It is so heart warming being in the store with him.. It is so peaceful and whether we are talking or helping customers or just sitting here waiting on someone to come by or working on returns or an order I know that this is the place where God would have me serve him at this point in my life and there is no other place I would rather be. Would I like our partnership to have a more permanent basis - -yes but I am waiting on God for that. He brought me this far I know he will continue the journey...a journey that may have to take different paths than I ever thought and may lead Rhett & I to places of service we never thought we would be but if those places bring the same sense of contentment and peace that I have about serving God thru helping in the store then I welcome them.

No comments:

Post a Comment