Ahhh Contentment ~ my journey as Scarlet O'Hara

I love the feeling that for one of the few times in my life I know that I am where God wants me to be and doing what He wants me to be doing..While I grew up in a pastor's home and have been in church my entire life and even went to a Christian college, I feel closer to God at this point in my life than any other that I can remember. There is something to be said about God putting us in our lowest place to bring us closer to him. I have been reflecting a lot the past few days on the last 2 years. I have spent a lot of those 2 years complaining and questioning God as to why my life ended up in the place I found myself. At times it was just so hard to grasp how I came to be in my late 30's, single, living with my parents with no job, no friends - -nothing but a bedroom. I just couldn't, no matter how hard I tried, fathom how it would end or even grasp the concept that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. When I 1st lost my job and we moved, I was excited because I thought I would end up spending a lot of time with my cousin, Kathy. But then I found out just the opposite was true. I started going to FBC Bushnell on Sundays. On my 1st Sunday there I noticed this youth guy who I figured was single. He was cute but I of course never approached him. I went to church once in a while but not on a regular basis. I spent a lot of time on the internet playing games or on online dating sites...I did meet a couple of guys - one reconciled with an exfiancee and they are now married, the other one and I are just friends but God did use me to help him during his time of divorce. I participated in all the free eharmony weekends...In October 2009 on one of these weekends I was matched up with a guy from Bushnell who is my age and a youth minister, let's just call him Rhett Butler...I thought that he may have been the student minister at FBC Bushnell but wasn't sure....Anyhoo, I got off internet dating after the free weekend and never heard from him (little did I know he didn't even read his matches) The Sunday before Thanksgiving we went to Pleasant Hill Baptist Church and ended up joining a couple of weeks later. The pastor is single and young and I became attracted, we'll call him Ashley Wilkes. He kept talking about his friend at the Christian Bookstore in town that I had never met and so finally just to shut him up I went in. I was very pleasantly surprised to see the guy from 1st Baptist...We chatted for a while after I told him what church I went to and then I asked him was he on eharmony and lo and behold it had been him I was matched up with. We became friends on facebook and I would go into the store whenever just to chat or to get cds. I always felt bad that I was taking up his time or keeping him from his work and while I was very attracted to him, I had this stupid crush thing on the pastor, and Rhett knew it. So, for months I convinced myself that Ashley was wonderful and possibly THE one....I laughed at all his jokes and I just thought he was it! Then I woke up and realized that no he wasn't. I think my heart realized it a lonnnggg time before my head did. My main problem with him is he always says such mean spirited, almost evil things about Rhett behind his back and I never knew if that was because he was trying to be funny or he really was interested in me and he didn't want me and Rhett to get together or he was selfishly trying to keep me at the church. [Rhett went to a different one] So, it finally got to the point where I had had it and I stopped laughing at his stupidity and he has started noticing. Anyhoo, Rhett got in a place where he needed some help and me being without a job volunteered. That was 3 wks ago and I realized this past week how God has been orchestrating things. In his infinite awesomeness God knew 2 yrs ago that Rhett would be needing me now. And all the twists and turns have brought me to this place. All the ?'s about why haven't I found a job yet are answered with because God knew that he would need me. It is so heart warming being in the store with him.. It is so peaceful and whether we are talking or helping customers or just sitting here waiting on someone to come by or working on returns or an order I know that this is the place where God would have me serve him at this point in my life and there is no other place I would rather be. Would I like our partnership to have a more permanent basis - -yes but I am waiting on God for that. He brought me this far I know he will continue the journey...a journey that may have to take different paths than I ever thought and may lead Rhett & I to places of service we never thought we would be but if those places bring the same sense of contentment and peace that I have about serving God thru helping in the store then I welcome them.

Serving under Fire!

Why do you serve the Lord? Why do you get up every Sunday morning when millions of others are still in bed and do what you do? For me it is breath and it is life to be in service to the Lord. I was raised knowing the importance of service in my local church. The importance of offering all that I am & all that I have at my disposal to God in regular service for the sake of worship and for the furtherance of his kingdom. But lately through nothing that I can see that I have done my service has come under attack and I feel that I must walk on eggshells at church. I am not allowed the opportunity to go to church to worship and to be renewed. How can I do what God has called me and equipped me to do when I am in constant fear of being admonished? I am at a cross roads in ministry and at a point where I am conflicted by what to do. Do I resign and find another church or do I stick it out for the sake of the choir yet not be fed or worship myself? I am at the point to where I hate for the pastor to say he has to talk to me or to email me or to call me because I know that I am going to be reprimanded for something. I have been told where I can and can't sit during services because I am distracting when I get up for the invitation. This is so stupid because I am sitting where countless other worship leaders I have know in my life have sat in their respective churches. I have asked several times for a key but have been told he doesn't trust me with a key or that he wants me to have to depend on him for a key yet Russ leaves me alone at his store with $$$ in the register to run it and completely trusts me. I have had church keys for years at churches I was just a member of much bigger than this one. I even had a key to a church in Alabama that I just worked part-time in the daycare at. Yet the church I am a member of, worship leader of, and serve at won't let me have one. The last music person had one and oh wait he was also paid. I don't mind not being paid because I am of the conviction that if I am in a position in my home church I shouldn't expect to be paid to serve. However, I should receive the respect that someone in the position who is paid gets. I mean I do all the work the former music people did so it would be nice to be respected. I get reprimanded for standing up for myself when people complain about the music and the pianist yet when others attack me for the same thing my own pastor sits there and doesn't stand up for me and those on my committee the music committee stand there and throw me under the bus. I am tired of leaving church in tears. I am tired of trying to make our worship experience meaningful and exciting and wonderful for everyone only to have it constantly backfire on me. I never wanted this job to begin with. All I have ever wanted to do is play the piano at church and sing a solo now and then. Yet I was raised to know that if there is a ministry need at church and I have the talents, skills, education, whatever to meet that need then I should and that is what I have been trying to do. The sad thing is Philip has no clue what a mess things are in and how unkosher things are at the church. The church has no idea what they are doing as far as setting themselves up for a mess. They are content because they are not asked to do much and know that if they don't do things they'll get done anyway because the pastor and his parents will do them. This is such a bad situation for all parties because #1 the church members are not learning how to serve and do the various things in the church so if they ever need to they will not have the ability to do so. Secondly, he will not be the pastor here forever and he is creating a huge mess for the next pastor(s) to have to deal with. Third, there are many just problematic situations taking place...a)the pastor and one or both of his parents are on EVERY committee of the church, they do all the purchasing for the church, he handles the bulletins each week, b) the church treasurer does not attend church on Sunday mornings because they work at a flea market and then she leaves for several months in the summer to go back up north & on Wednesday nights she stays in the office and works on the treasurer stuff so she is only in 1 service a week, c) a lot of people are joining the church but never walk the aisle to do so...he just talks to them and then at the end of the service he mentions them but then there is no follow up or discipleship of them. I have seen situations like this before in 2 other churches - @ Eastside Baptist where the pastor and his father-in-law could sign a check together and @ Gibsonia where there was a lot of questionable activity going on with the pastor and it breaks my heart to see it again. The church members are great and I love them but I fear the church is going to die with out changes. We are not reaching younger people and I wonder if they really want to. Lord, show me what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

World Changers 2010 ~ unhindered~Saturday, 7/24/10, Heading home

I got up super early on Saturday because I wanted to make sure I washed my hair before heading back home. We deflated our beds and waited for the guys so we could go. We got on the road around 6:30 central time and headed home. We stopped for gas and Dennis started driving so Philip could sleep. Since Dennis and I didn't talk much I spent most of the 4 hrs he drove in prayer. I did see a coyote in the median in Alabama. Philip & Clifford woke up about the time we were driving thru Atlanta. We stopped around 11 for lunch at a Burger King and Philip took over driving. A short time later we stopped for a potty break. Philip had to actually buy a pack of toilet paper since there was none in the men's room and the guy said they were out. I bought ice cream treats for me and the kids. While waiting for Philip we saw a huge praying mantis on the wall. We got back on the road and headed home. Saturday's ride was very enjoyable for me since Philip and spent the day talking and laughing at Clifford. We stopped at the welcome center at the FL State line for orange juice much to Dennis' irritation. It started raining on us about time we were coming thru Ocala. They dropped me off first. I was so happy to get a real shower!!!!

World Changers 2010 ~ unhindered~Friday, 7/23/10

Waking up Friday was bittersweet. Knowing it was the last day and you were going to have to say goodbye to the people you had become friends with so quickly was sad. I had done each of my kids names and had a few to finish up and put in their envelopes. On the way to the house we had the kids sign the "Labor Provided by World Changers" signs we would give to Ms Woods and Mahlon. We had one for Mrs Nancy too but since we had messed up the sign from the front of the house asking people to use the side door, she had us use her sign to make a new one for Ms Woods front porch. The kids got to work painting the blocks at the back of the house and the back porch. By about 10:00 our house was finished and we were just killing time. Tori came and asked Mahlon if she could use his cell phone to call her mom since they left theirs at home. Then 2 of the boys snuck up behind him with the cooler of water and drenched him and Mrs Nancy. Around 10:30 Mrs Nancy and I drove several of the girls around to witness at the different houses. We arrived back to find lunch has just arrived and Brynne was sleeping in the chair. We enjoyed a lunch of burgers with the trimmings, chips, cookies, brownies, more apples, lemonade and tea. After lunch Ms Woods joined us for our last devotion time. It was so sweet that she had joined us, since she has not been able to go to her regular Bible study due to her open heart surgery. Afterwards, we presented her with her sign, a picture of us taken the 1st day we worked and a Bible. We cleaned everything up and go the ok to leave the site at 1:30. Since we couldn't go back until 4 we took the crew to Sonic and WalMart to kill time and then headed back to shower. Dinner was spaghetti and salad. Kayla was happy because on of the GRBC church men made her some fried green tomatoes. After dinner we had our closing celebration sitting with our crews. The crew chiefs, encouragers, and group leaders all got WC hammacks which led us to tease Mrs Nancy about purpling in the hammock since both she and her husband got one. They showed the video of the week and a video of Jeff Foxworthy doing "You might be a World Changer if....". Then they closed it by singing "Sweet Home Alabama"!!! We went off to the cafeteria for our crew chat to say goodbye and exchange addresses. Our crew entertained those in there by singing Lean on Me and with a race between Christian and Mahlon. We met back into youth groups for Worship and for our final youth group devotions. Philip seemed to be a little disappointed when he asked our kids what the best thing this week was and all they said was playing with a dog and going to the mall. We headed back to our room and packed up giving Philip & Dennis what we didn't need to put in the van. Then to bed for the last time.

World Changers 2010 ~ unhindered~Thursday, 7/22/10

Thursday morning the girls on my crew were excited because finally we would be able paint with green paint!!!! WOO HOO no more white. We had help that morning when they sent us another crew who had already finished their home to paint with us. I spent the morning with Anna who I nicknamed the Energizer Bunny of painting, as she painted the window frames sometimes spending 20 or more minutes on one frame getting the green all the way to the edge by painting a little and then wiping it off the metal and painting again. Mahlon and Mrs Nancy worked hard all morning on the windows. The Ladies SS Class of FBC Saks brought us lunch of hoagies [turkey and roast beef], with all the trimmings [lettuce, home grown tomato slices, cheese, onions, pickles, mayo, mustard, ketchup], chips, apple slices and berries that had been soaked in 7-up overnight to keep the apples from turning, cookies, pink lemonade and tea. After lunch we worked on touching up the green paint and painting the planter on the front porch. Anna and Courtney asked Ms Woods if they could decorate her planter and came back and painted some swirls and dots and her name on it. After it was done they went and had her come out to see it and she loved it. We had our usual afternoon popsicles, cleaned up and headed back to shower. Dinner that night was BBQ chicken, baked beans and corn. After dinner we had adult prayer, worship with the emphasis on salvation and youth group devotions. During devotions Philip was speaking about his favorite verses out of the book of Daniel. I had noticed Mrs Nancy's church was on the other side of the church. I did think that Philip was getting louder and louder and all of sudden Mrs Nancy caught my eye asking me to have him quiet down. He was embarassed but all went well and we finished. For a treat after devotions we took the kids to Sonic where Philip had a burger and fried pickles, I had a frito wrap, Dennis had a iced mocha thing, and the girls had Sonic Blasts. The best part of the evening was Clifford who ordered a foot long chili cheese coney. When this guy Russ came up [who happens to look and kinda sound like Stone Cold Steve Austin], Clifford was all excited about telling him about his hot dog - -so Russ nicknamed Clifford Weinie Man!!!! We went back to the church to get ready for bed.

World Changers 2010 ~ unhindered~Wednesday, 7/21/10

Wednesday morning began just like the day before with breakfast at 6. We all left at 7 and got to Ms Woods house and began working on painting the rest of the white. With the boys and the girls painting white it really came together. The kids did a great job painting on the east side of the house even with the difficulty from the sun shining a glare on the stucco. After they finished we moved around to the front of the house and painted it and the columns on the porch. Wish I had gotten pictures of the girls practically hanging off the house trying to get all the way around the columns. We left the boys painting the high parts of the front of the house and the girls moved to the back which was by far the biggest part of the house to paint white and those girls painted their butts off to get it done with only a few parts left for the boys paint. A trio of men from FBC Saks brought us a wonderful lunch of BBQ sandwiches, baked beans, cole slaw and apple cobbler with ice cold sweet tea!! After lunch we had another devotion led by Christian and the kids really opened up and enjoyed it. Then it was back to work to finish painting all the white so we could do the green the next day. The new windows arrived and Mahlon and Mrs Nancy began getting them ready to hang. We had gotten smart so most of us had our clothes with us to get straight into the shower lines so we could go to the block party.
Normally at WC you start by arriving on Sat and going to your host church on Sun with the afternoon off on Wed for the church youth groups to go have fun. This year with an abbreviated week they didn't give us the afternoon off but instead we had a block party for the entire community at Zinn Park in Anniston. There was free food [hamburgers, hot dogs, sno cones, popcorn, chips, chips and salsa, cokes, water], different local churches had games set up like face painting and football toss and watermelon seed spitting and a fish pond, and there was entertainment. We enjoyed music from 3 of the WC churches and from a local church group who also performed some drama. Philip spent the time witnessing to several people including a woman named Cynthia and her son Jamal. Cynthia was one of the 12 people to accept Christ that night. Dennis and the 3 kids from our church spent the evening playing frisbee with one of the WC frisbees that also had the plan of salvation on them. Because my gout had decided to act up that day due to me having sneakers on 2 days in a row, I spent the evening worshipping in the concert area. While there I got to enteract with the cutest little boy who happened to have Down's Syndrome. He walked up to the girl next to me and we started playing with him. He was absolutely beautiful and while I never really interacted with his mom I know thru our acceptance of him we showed her love and acceptance as well. We headed back to the church for our youth group devotions. Clifford gave us an interesting view on world history on the way back with Hitler and Jaques Cousteau being contemporaries and Germany being surrounded by water. We had our usual free time and then headed to bed.

World Changers 2010 ~ unhindered~Tuesday, 7/20/10

Tuesday morning began bright and early with breakfast [eggs, biscuits & gravy, sausage and juice] at 6 am. Then we all went down the hill for the great send off. Then it was back up the hill to go to our vans and head to the worksites. My crew was named Scrape, Splatter & Roll. In our crew we had 6 girls [Anna, Anna/A-Dub/Root Beer, Kayla, Courtney, Savannah, Tori], 3 boys [Christian, Tommy Joe, Brynne], and 3 adults [Mahlon-the crew chief, Mrs Nancy - the crew encourager, and me]. We arrived at our house around 7:30 and the guys started working. Because the old paint on the house was so old and was lead based they would not allow the girls to do any of the scraping, so we had to wait until the guys were done. While waiting around the girls did some bonding and then went to a few houses doing evangelism. At 11 am the youth group from FBC Saks showed up with our lunch of hot dogs, chips, little debbie cakes, water and gatorade. They joined us for our devotion time led by Root Beer. After lunch, we were finally able to begin painting on the house while the guys finished scraping. Around 2 or 2:30 it started raining on us and we had to sit in the van for a while with the a/c running. The popsicle crew brought us our afternoon snack and we ate it in the van. After it stopped raining we washed out the brushes and headed back to the church. We all got in line and waited our turns to shower - we had disaster relief shower trailers with 6 stalls. Dinner of Nachos/Taco Salad was at 6. After dinner we had youth group leader prayer time and then worship. The worship that night was called Concert of Prayer. We entered the sanctuary in complete silence and the stage had a cross on it with a purple drape. The worship leaders were in the balcony and it was a very reverent service of prayer, song and scripture. Upon entering we had each been given a jagged rock and during the service we were asked to think of something in our lives that hinders our service to God and turn it over to him. Then we went up and placed our rock at the foot of the cross and picked up a smooth rock representing God working in our lives. We left in silence and went out to the hill for youth group devotions. Free time and lights out concluded the evening.